What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 07:07
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I have no regrets .
How many wishes do people get on their birthday?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I see lots of pictures of women who have huge clits are they real or what?
I write beautiful poetry .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
If you believe in God, do you think God can save you from cancer?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Does turmeric help fight cancer? If so, how?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
Put me off passion for life!!
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I don,t even have a pension.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was seconnd youngest,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why are people with Asperger syndrome unenthusiastic?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Comes on , in middle age.
I waited trembling.
What do men like to be given for their birthday?
Im still living with it.
We were not on the streets..
She married twice! .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
Ive learnt so much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do people always talk about Ohio as it's a dangerous city?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Would this be the day?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Who then, do I blame.?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So, i spoilt her more .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I will be 64.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
All the time i was locked up.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She wouldn,t have been !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But ive been too sick for many years..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My family never makes their pension either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I think the readers, may guess!
And i lived it daily.
She was in good health!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was 9 years of age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She loved him until the end.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Especially a lifetime of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I could never make a relationship work though!
It was going to be , some day.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My life is so biszare .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We all went to grammer schools
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So whats the point in blame.
What did i know ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But, we were locked up after school.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was scared of men, in general
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I know ,a lot about trauma.